No matter how you slice it, even Dora the Explorer and her team know that, “there is an animal in trouble, somewhere.”

That Tiger is in trouble is the greatest understatement of the year. In the words of my homeboys, Tiger is in deep shiit. While it is not up to the scale of O.J., it is above Kobe’s. A house on a finger will not cut it.

The sad thing was that Tiger’s calculation was almost perfect, until it collapsed. He went and married a foreigner. He was hoping that because she was not brought up in America, he could escape being locked up like other husbands. He did not want Tiger turned into a lamb. Tiger did not just go foreign, he went for a nanny. Fran Drescher can laugh all she wants, but Tiger was going for a home-based privacy-cherished type.

Tiger’s one miscalculation was to think that low profile means no profile. Apparently, Tiger had never heard that when you look at a four-year-old boy, you see just a boy. But when you look at a four-year-old girl, you see the threat of a woman. Tiger’s nanny-turned-wife had that threat of a woman all along. It just was not on Tiger’s rear view mirror. Tiger was blindsided.

No matter how angry you may be with Tiger, you have to give it to him. He was consistent with his choice of women. Our parents say a lot about our DNA. But our choice of friends says a lot about our id.

Tiger was not messing around with gucci mamas. He liked the low-flyers- those who will be happy to be in the presence of the Tiger. He did not mess with anyone with the potential to mess with his brain. He liked his shrimps – bent and submissive right inside the Tiger’s net.

Tiger should fire all those in his crisis management team. They have failed him. You cannot allow your client in a worldwide scandal to be on the front page of the Daily News and the New York Post for two consecutive weeks. That is too much damage. There has to be some ways of knocking Tiger off the front page. That should have been the first task of his crisis team. It doesn’t matter who you pay to take over the front page. Just do it.

Tiger’s agent should watch Dora the Explorer and get some ideas. If I were in the team, I’d check how much it would cost to resurrect Michael Jackson. Now that is a good place to start the rescue.